At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
