HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
