u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
