last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
