last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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