Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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