my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
