omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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