i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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