Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
