Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
3 2 1 whiskey
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
