Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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