My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
