I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
