Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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