do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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