Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
