That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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