I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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