Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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