My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
