So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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