i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize