Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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