I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
