I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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