Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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