Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
