You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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