just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
