I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
