he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
