I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
