If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize