remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
