I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
