i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
