I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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