Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Never underestimate the power of titties
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
