I'm gonna have a badass scar
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
