i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
