i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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