The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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