I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
