dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
