A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Alive.
So much puke
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
40s are totally the cure
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
