My hand turned me down
and you said cock pushups were impossible
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
