the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
