I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
