so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
