Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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