someone threw a dead crab at me
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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