It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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