he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
