I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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