Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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