I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
