I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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