I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize
