wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
