My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
