At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
