You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize