Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
