So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
