Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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