So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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