omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
