'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize