Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
