I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
