I need to stop coming to work sober
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
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well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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