You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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