I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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